It’s Coachella week, and I’m on a plane to Orlando for a work project at Ulta Beauty World as I’m writing this. Fun fact: I’ve never been to Coachella, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out, which might sound strange coming from someone who’s been to Burning Man multiple times. To me, these two experiences couldn’t be more different, but that’s a story for another time.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about putting myself out there lately - as a person, as a consultant, and as a business owner. Not just the act of taking the shot, but what happens when you don’t get the outcome you were hoping for.
I often write my Substack on flights. There’s something about being in between places that makes it easier to think clearly. So I opened my laptop, already knowing the topic I wanted to explore, and the first thing I saw was a story by Anna Mackenzie titled “How I shoot my shot every Wednesday”. How funny, I thought, as I had just typed out my own title: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Anna’s story is filled with examples of what happens when shooting your shot works—consulting gigs, new friendships, unexpected opportunities. While I’m a big proponent of this approach and have certainly benefited from it myself, I noticed that there’s a part of the story we don’t really talk about. And that’s what happens after you miss and how you find the will to take another shot anyway.
Let’s be honest, rejection of any kind can feel debilitating. You are anxiously waiting for a response that never comes. Or it does come, eventually, but the answer is no. And it wasn’t just anything; you actually wanted this. A guy you liked, a job opportunity you were excited about. “It’s so unfair,” you might think. And part of you just… doesn’t want to try again.
I know that feeling well. I’ve shot my shot more times than I can count, and I’ve been rejected just as many. It stings. Sometimes more than you expect. One of the earliest rejections I remember was in my early 20s, when I was working as a hostess at Travertine and XIX Restaurant & Lounge in downtown New York. I was hustling—long nights for $12 an hour, seating guests, managing reservations, running coat check, helping servers when things got busy. When the assistant manager resigned, I worked up the courage to ask to be considered for the role. It took a lot to even ask. I had moved to New York not long before, still figuring out my place, still in the early years of my immigration journey. The manager said he’d think about it. And then… he fired me.
Just like that. No explanation. No notice. No two-week pay. If you know anything about New York nightlife in the 2010s, you know how transactional and unforgiving it could be. I found another hostess job soon after, but the impact of that moment stayed with me much longer than the job itself. In retrospect, I’m grateful the nightlife path didn’t suck me in. Rejection pushed me toward building a career in branding and marketing. But that didn’t mean things suddenly became easy. There were still roles I didn’t get, opportunities that didn’t materialize, moments that left me questioning myself.
Fast forward to my 30s—after a few layoffs, a divorce, and moving across the country from New York to California, one thing has become very clear: success isn’t in the wins themselves, but in your willingness to keep showing up after the losses.
So the real question becomes, how do you deal with rejection and find the will to try again?
1. Don’t give anything more power than it deserves. That’s how the universe takes it away.
It’s natural to want things: certain people, roles, opportunities. When you attach too much meaning to one outcome, you stop seeing it clearly. It’s no longer just an opportunity—it becomes the opportunity. The one that will validate you, change things, make everything click. And that kind of pressure rarely works in your favor. I’ve found that the more I can want something without needing it, the better I show up. You are not needy. You’re more relaxed. More yourself. Less in your head about how it has to go. It doesn’t mean you care less. It just means you’re not giving that one moment the power to define you. Because the truth is—what’s meant for you doesn’t require you to grip it that tightly.
2. When you “shoot your shot,” think of the best possible outcome and the 2nd best possible outcome.
When you’re about to shoot your shot, it’s easy to fixate on one version of success—the exact response you want, the outcome you’ve already played out in your head. But that kind of thinking raises the stakes in a way that doesn’t always serve you. I’ve started approaching things through a wider lens, where I win either way. If I get the outcome I want, great. But if I don’t, I still walk away with something. Applied for a role that feels like a perfect fit? If you get it, you win. If you don’t, you’ve expanded your network and practiced showing up in that room. Seeing someone new and wondering if it could turn into something more? It might become a relationship, or it might simply be a meaningful experience that brings you closer to the person who’s right for you. Not every shot lands the way you expect. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t move you forward.
3. Accept that rejection is simply part of life, and it will happen again.
No matter how good you are, how prepared you feel, rejection is still going to happen. Not once, not occasionally. Again and again, in different forms. And I think part of what makes it so hard is that we treat it like an exception, when in reality it’s built into the process of putting yourself out there. The sooner you stop seeing rejection as something that shouldn’t be happening, the less power it has over you when it does. It doesn’t mean it won’t sting. It just means it won’t stop you.
4. The more you dwell on it, the more you push your new opportunity away.
There’s a natural moment after rejection where you replay everything—what you said, what you could’ve done differently, what it all means. That part is human. But staying there too long has a cost. The more you dwell on one outcome, the harder it is to see what’s in front of you. You start carrying that energy into the next conversation, the next opportunity, the next chance to try again. And without realizing it, you’re no longer showing up fresh—you’re showing up guarded. At some point, you have to let the moment pass. Not because it didn’t matter, but because there’s something else waiting that you won’t notice if you’re still looking back.
5. Try again.
Not right away. Not from a place of pressure. But when the initial sting fades, and you start to feel like yourself again, go again. Because that’s how you slowly build the life you actually want.
And now, before I wrap, a few favorites that earned their place.
Worth the Shelf Space
AKT The Deodorant Balm SC.02
AKT makes the best natural deodorant I’ve tried that actually works. Which, if you’ve tried natural deodorants before, you know is saying a lot. No aluminum, no stains, plastic-free packaging, a genuinely beautiful scent—and somehow, it keeps up all day.
Skin Skulpt Plasma Skin Perfector
This at-home device that uses cold plasma technology to improve skin tone, texture, and absorption, helping calm inflammation, tighten, and support overall skin health. Skin Skulpt is designed by my friend and celebrity esthetician Heather Nicole, whom I’ve been going to for custom facials for over a year now. I’ve personally seen a noticeable difference after using it, especially as someone who’s prone to redness and breakouts. I never travel anywhere without it. Use code ALI10 for 10% off Skin Skulpt or any other products on Heather’s website.
And with that — back to the bigger picture.
Don’t let the fear of rejection be the thing that stops you. Shoot the shot. Some won’t land. But the ones that do have a way of making all the others make sense. Keep going.
In retrospect the dots connect.
