I was in Miami last week, attending Art Basel and catching up with friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I stayed with a close friend who was going through a breakup. She’s a beautiful, deep, and complex individual—not perfect, but who is? Her former partner couldn’t accept her fully. The unique traits that make her who she is—traits another man would probably value—intimidated him and caused him to withdraw.
Have you ever been in a situation like that? I have. I’ve been in relationships where men loved parts of me but couldn’t love the whole me, trying to mold me into something I wasn’t. I’ve also been on the flip side, loving the idea of someone but not fully accepting who they were. Needless to say, those relationships didn’t work out—and that was for the better.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned two important lessons:
1. You don’t own anything—you’re simply experiencing everything.
2. You can’t, and shouldn’t, try to change anyone. Either accept them with all their quirks and flaws, or let them go.
Let me elaborate.
Non-attachment is a powerful state of being. The sooner you understand that you don’t own anything (or anyone) but are simply experiencing everything, the happier you’ll be. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fight for relationships or chase your dreams. It means nothing—not even those things—is more important than the relationship you have with yourself and your belief system (call it Universe, Creator, God, Higher Power, whatever resonates with you).
During a tough time in my life, I put a Post-It on my bathroom mirror that read: Appreciate Everything, Attach to Nothing.
To me, it’s a reminder to cherish all I have—my relationships, friendships, career, lifestyle—without the fear of losing them. I approach everything with the best intentions and give it my all, but if something slips away, I’ve learned to shift my focus and move forward. It took years and losing everything twice to develop this mindset. Nothing truly belongs to us; we’re just here to experience it. But two things we do own are our authenticity and belief system—and those are enough.
When it comes to trying to change anyone (especially a romantic partner), let’s face it—we’re not in the fixer-upper business. You can’t flip a person like a house. Instead of focusing on changing others, focus on improving yourself so you can attract the partner who’s right for you. If you can’t accept someone as they are, set them free. Your loss will be someone else’s gain, and you’ll create space for the kind of relationship you truly deserve.
Life is too short to dim your light or shrink yourself to fit someone else’s mold. Appreciate everything, attach to nothing, and trust that the right connections will amplify your light—not diminish it.
As for Art Basel, it was a fun trip filled with beautiful art, amazing events, and some magical new connections. If you’re planning to head to Miami for it next year, be prepared for a bit of mayhem—and make sure to stay close to where you need to be. The traffic is no joke!
In retrospect the dots connect.
