This year was a difficult year for several of my close friends and myself. What didn’t happen! Our collective pool of unpleasant experiences includes breakups, job loss, property damage, financial issues, health issues, and even death in the family. I wrote about some of my experiences in “10 Steps That Helped Me Reset and Reinvent Myself After A Major Burnout”.
Perhaps one of the biggest realizations I had this year is that, unfortunately, bad things will happen one way or another, no matter how hard you try to avoid them. That’s just life. While there are certain precautions you can take to minimize the impact of these bad events (e.g., securing multiple sources of income or having enough money in an emergency fund in case of a job loss), you can’t predict or control everything that’s going to happen to you. But one thing you can certainly control is how you deal with setbacks.
The first thing you’ll need to do is ditch the victim mentality.
Last weekend, I was at brunch where somebody shared a story about Rick Allen, DEF LEPPARD’s drummer, who lost his arm in a car accident. When asked in an interview if he thought he was done playing, Rick Allen answered:
“I did. I honestly thought that was it. When I finally realized that I’d actually lost my arm when I came around in the hospital, I really didn’t wanna be here, and I didn’t want to see anybody. I think the only person I wanted to see was my brother and my parents, but I just wanted to disappear. I felt so self-conscious. And then a friend of mine, [Robert John] ‘Mutt’ Lange, our producer, he came in to see me, and he just lifted me up, and he turned my attention to what I could do, whereas I was sort of obsessing on everything that I couldn’t do, and he really helped me dig in and find the power of the human spirit, and that’s what kind of lifted me out of it.”
Rick Allen had to relearn how to play drums and use his feet to make up for the missing arm, which created new neural pathways in his brain. He then worked with drum manufacturer Simmons to build a special kit. Rick Allen went on to have a successful drumming career and earned the nickname “The Thunder God” because of his big, powerful sound. I’m sure he had moments of despair and likely felt like a victim. Who wouldn’t? But he ditched the victim mentality and became one of the best drummers in the world.
Stories like Rick Allen’s remind us that while despair is a natural reaction to hardship, it’s not where we’re meant to stay. Victim mentality is comfortable in the short term—it lets us wallow, blame circumstances, and evade responsibility. But in the long run, it traps us. It narrows our perspective, blinds us to opportunities, and keeps us from growing into who we’re meant to become.
The truth is, resilience is a skill we all have to cultivate. It’s not about ignoring pain or pretending everything is fine—it’s about asking yourself what you can do, even when life feels impossibly hard. Where can you create value? How can you grow from this? What might this challenge be teaching you?
It’s in these moments of choice—when we decide to focus on possibilities rather than limitations—that we find the silver lining. Often, it’s hidden in the places we least expect. And sometimes, it’s the very thing that leads us to our true blessings, our purpose, and ultimately, the meaning we crave.
So, what will you choose the next time life throws you a curveball? Will you sit in the comfort of victimhood, or will you look for the lesson, the growth, the opportunity? Because, as I’ve learned, it’s only when we zoom out we realize how even the toughest seasons can lead to something beautiful.
In retrospect, the dots connect.
👏👏👏