A few years ago, I found myself in an unhappy place. My heart wasn’t in what I was doing professionally, and I began contemplating whether it was time for a change. It was during Covid, and changing jobs seemed risky, though I found myself thinking about it often. I’m mission-driven, and my former employer’s mission wasn’t aligned with mine. I craved a change but was afraid to make a decision.
I confided in a good friend who had known me for 10 years and had worked with me in the past. He was the founder of a brand and talked about how difficult the space was, suggesting that it was better for me to stay at my “secure and corporate,” though very boring, gig. A few other friends said similar things, so I decided not to take action. Fast forward a couple of years, and I experienced burnout. I had stayed in the wrong place for too long, and it took me a while to find my path again.
Looking back on my decision not to take a risk back then, I realize I did myself a disservice. I listened to people’s perspectives but took them as advice. While I fully take responsibility for my (non-)action, it’s true that most people don’t realize they’re offering their opinion through the lens of their own experiences, biases, and insecurities.
When someone says, “You should do X,” or, “If I were you, I’d do X,” what they really mean is, “Here’s what I’d do based on my fears, hopes, and worldview.” Their advice is shaped by their personal narrative, not yours. You might think they understand and relate to you because they know you, but in reality, it’s not quite that simple.
Our decisions are undoubtedly influenced by others. Your friends and family may have the best intentions, but they may unintentionally skew you in the wrong direction. A classic example is when you’re getting into a new relationship, and suddenly your friends start weighing in on what he or she is “supposed” to do—or not do—how things need to unfold, and what constitutes a red flag versus a green flag. The same applies to just about every other scenario in life.
So, while it’s valuable to gather perspectives, remember that advice is rarely one-size-fits-all. The key? Filter out the noise and trust your own judgment.
Have you ever had a similar experience with somebody’s advice and what did you learn from it? Let me know in the comments.
In retrospect the dots connect.
